I know what you mean. 11 yrs ago, I was chemically poisoned while working in a dry-cleaners and it burned the lining of my lungs. So now, I have chemical sensitivities so bad that I cannot go into a KH or convention because of the overwhelming dry cleaned clothes and perfumes.
I'm not trying to get sympathy or make it sound like I'm sicker than anyone, but just to make the point that after that, I was told by even my OWN family members that it didn't matter how bad of an asthma attack I got at the meetings, that if I didn't go I would die at armegeddon. Even if I DIED while having an attack at the KH, then Jehovah would ressurect [I know I slaughtered the spelling] me into the new system because I died following HIS rules. But since I chose to wimp out and stay away, they considered me inactive, rebellous, you name it. But even before I got sick we did not see the LOVE.
Sorry, self preservation is pretty strong and I have a family to take care of.
In 2000, we decided to move out of the congregation we had been in for 23 yrs to another state. The last Saturday before we were leaving. After our BSO conducted the field service meeting and was asking about plans, my husband raised his hand and said that this was going to be our last day for service in that congregation and we would love to work with anyone for the last time. Everyone just sat there looking around. We were told we would have to work by ourselves because everyone else said they had plans. Driving out the KH parking lot, my husband says "Aw screw it, lets go home and pack!"
Yeah, I feel the love for the past 49 yrs!!!!